Breaking the Habit

October 2024 | Vol. 68, No. 1
Written by Mohit Chhatpar, IRMC PGY-3

I wake up to my grumbling stomach,
Today is the day, I tell myself.
The dirty dishes left in the sink for days,
No woman in the house to help with this crap.
She took her work elsewhere, left for another man.
Open the fridge, take out Humpty Dumpty’s relatives
Being as careful as possible, cracking them
Placing them in the pan,
Their screams drowned by the sizzling and smoke.
Putting the yellow-brown finished product,
Brightened by the green peppers and the white onions,
In between the now toasted, golden brown, slices of bread.
Pouring that red, savory tomato sauce.
But that’s not enough, so I make another plate.
A stack of pancakes, like a masterpiece of a nine story building
The options drive me wild! Strawberries or blueberries?
Each floor full of gaps for the brown, sweet, sticky sap from the maple tree.
A cup to the right of me, full of milk.

I reach the office two hours later.
So hungry I could eat my desk, I go to the vending machine.
The choices, the choices! The 100 calorie packs are healthy,
But the cups full of peanut butter and chocolate are too good to pass up.
Gobble them up like a turkey, puff up for delicious Thanksgiving dinner.
What to drink, what to drink?
Back to the vending machine we go.
I want to go for the sugarless taste of water, but my hands disobey.
It looks I’m bringing back a bottle of regular Coca-Cola instead.
However, after eating this, I’m still not satisfied. 

It is a lunch break at last! It felt like days.
Open my car door, lots of receipts from Wendy’s, Taco Bell, and Burger King lying around.
My glove compartment filled to maximum capacity with ketchup packets and hot sauce.
Used plastic cups and straws on the backseat, along with food stains.
Driving thirty five minutes to my favorite place.
I see the strange clown sitting outside,
With the bright yellow “W” turned upside down.
As I enter, I’m treated with hello’s from behind the counter.
Ordering the usual, two large fries with three sandwiches full of beef and lettuce,
Along with two large Cokes. After eating, pure happiness, feel like I’m invincible.
Just cannot wait to go again tomorrow.

Finally I get to turn in for the day.
Pick up an extra large pizza on the way home,
Decked with pepperoni,
Along with onions, jalapenos, mushrooms, olives, and extra extra cheese.
Eat it slowly, savor the taste.
Thought I would have a change for once, and bought Pepsi instead.
Long pillars of bread, dipped in the lake of red sauce.
A large glass bowl with imprinted designs on it carrying salad,
Colors ranging from green to red to purple, even some orange sticks, all wearing dresses.
With the long hollow rods with an opening on both ends,
Downed in vodka,
Sprinkle some snowy cheese.
Been in love with Italian food since I was six, And that has not changed one bit.

Watching a late night movie as always,
I see what I can munch on.
My good friend Edy makes great dessert.
Open the containers, take two scoop from each A bowl of 10 scoops of ice cream.
With clouds covering the globes
And a river of chocolate flowing all over,
Mixed with a sticky stream of sweet sugary splendor.
Topped off with a tiny red fruit with a protruding green stem protruding.
Life can’t get any better than this.

As I head to bed, I look in the mirror.
All I see is myself, all 360 pounds of it.
My addiction to food is too strong.
Going on a diet has been too difficult.
I try and I try but so far
It isn’t easy breaking the habit.
Don’t worry though, I tell myself.
Tomorrow is another day to try again.